Family life in ancient Greece

The disposition of the family in ancient Greece differed in various cities, especially Athens and Sparta, as well as according to gender. In Athens, and indeed in probably every city, a child was examined upon birth to determine if it was healthy. If not, it was permissible to leave the child outdoors in the wild or on a trash heap without incurring religious pollution or sin. The idea was that if the gods desired the child to live, it would be taken care of, like Oedipus in mythology.

The child could also be exposed if it was a girl since a family would have to provide for a dowry, and her father may not have desired to do so. In Sparta, the child was examined by the elders (Gerousia), and if deformed, it would be exposed. It appears that the ancients knew of abortion, and some philosophers advocated it to prevent overpopulation. There does not seem to be evidence of contraceptives, although there was probably some form of natural family planning. A child usually had one name, and the son often took his paternal grandfather’s name.

Occasionally, the son would have his name followed by his father’s name or place of birth. For example, Cimon was known as Cimon, son of Miltiades. After the child reached ten days old, the father and the rest of the family would accept the child in a formal religious ceremony, and it would be given a name; before then, the child was “not yet alive.” After that point, the child could not be exposed and would be taken care of by the family. There are numerous examples of the sentiment of love within the family in literature. In addition, grave goods show examples of a youth’s toys, dice, etc. When a child died, especially a son, it was a great time of mourning.

Most of the information about education comes from Athens. The early rearing of the child until the age of six or seven took place in the home by the child’s mother and, if present, slaves and other family members. Upon reaching school age, boys would be educated in private schools under a schoolmaster. The boy was taken to school by a slave, called apaidagogus, who made sure that he went there and came home, and was not the teacher.

In Athens, a boy would continue his education until age sixteen, during which time he learned writing, which was divided into reading and arithmetic. Numbers were represented by letters rather than distinct symbols. He would then learn music, which included the playing of the lyre, which he would put to poetics and musical forms, and it was in this stage that he would learn to sing. Finally, he would learn gymnastics, which included exercising in the gymnasium and palaestra, as well as learning the art of warfare, swimming, wrestling, spear throwing, and archery. In contrast, girls continued to be taught at home, including reading, writing, weaving, and spinning clothing.

In Athens, when boys reached sixteen, they began to train for warfare, and their education revolved more around physical sports. They would learn how to ride horses, drive chariots, hunt, and wrestle. At eighteen, they then became soldiers’ youth, where they trained for two years not only in military drills but also citizenship. They would live in barracks together, probably within their tribe, wear a uniform, and be trained. They established a miniature government that met in assemblies and elected archons, generals, and judges.

This gave them the training for operating in government as they continued their education by learning music, literature, rhetoric, and geometry. At Athens, youths would become full citizens at twenty, and young men became eligible for military service. The young man of this time would begin to make himself known in society. In addition to military service, he may begin to work in his father’s business or another arena. In his twenties, he may begin to experiment in sexual relations including with the opposite sex, with courtesans, or with other men. Prostitution was accepted and recognized by the state as being legal.

In Sparta, a boy was taken from his family at seven and raised in the barracks, where he would learn military drills and fighting, as well as how to be stealthy and steal to reinforce this; if caught, he was beaten. Girls in Sparta learned to read and write, exercise in public, and run the home since men had to fight.

The boys continued to rise through the barracks, and at eighteen they became eligible for military service. A man was given only one garment, and unlike in Athens, he rarely bathed. In Sparta, men were encouraged to marry but would not be allowed to live at home during his twenties. He would sneak home to have relations. Although he could read and write, they were not encouraged to do so. Spartan girls learned to run, wrestle, and throw the spear as well. She went naked in public dances, unlike in Athens.

Young men were permitted to engage in sex with both genders, and prostitution was rare. The Spartan male married by age thirty, and women at age twenty, and celibacy was a crime. Only married men became full citizens. Those without children were not respected. Parents arranged marriages, and dowries do not seem to have been given. Young men would forcibly take his bride from her family to his home. If men still did not marry by age thirty, there appears to have been a custom where young men were put into a room with an equal number of unmarried women and they sorted it out (presumably, the women took the lead). In Sparta, and indeed all of Greece, love came after the wedding.

In Athens, a similar pattern of age differentiation followed. Men tended to wait until their thirties to marry while the girls were young, usually around fourteen to sixteen. The parents, and professional matchmakers in some cases, would arrange a marriage. The man would wait until his later years to allow himself to become established. Again, love, if it occurred, would come after the wedding. Marriage was for the propagation of the family and to increase the number of citizens in the city, not for romance. As in Sparta, men in Athens could be fined if unmarried.

A married man in Athens could visit courtesans without moral judgment and could even have a concubine at home. Wives were to produce lawful children to pass on the family line and property. While a woman may not like the fact that her husband had a concubine, she was still the legitimate wife, and the concubine remained the household slave when no longer of use. Adultery led to divorce only if the woman committed it. A man may divorce his wife by simply dismissing her without cause. The wife had a more difficult time but could divorce by seeking a ruling from an archon that the husband abused her. Divorce was also allowed if it were mutual.

In Athens, the home had a variety of inhabitants. There was the husband and his wife; sometimes there was his “second wife,” or concubine. Their unmarried daughters and sons and slaves also lived in the house. Once the sons were wed, they formed their own family unit and were in effect emancipated. Usually when the sons married, they would establish a new home and family, escaping their father’s power.

Although old age was feared, everyone knew it would come. Sons were required to take care of their parents when they became sick or incapacitated. Parents were still to be respected, and public opinion stressed a youth’s modesty and respect for the aged. At the death of family members, the family was obliged to bury them with reverence. The family had thus come full circle.